i can talk about this without much, or any emotion. i could have written about this over the weekend without any emotion, of my own, but i was afraid that people would write emotion into it because of when i said it.
so this past weekend was a time that people in this country that i live in, call “thanksgiving”. it’s an excitable time of year. people get together. they celebrate. blah, blah, blah… i understand the importance of celebration and tradition. i studied anthropology, for goodness sake. it’s a world wide phenomenon, to get together and eat and “raise the roof”.
most people would jump at an opportunity to be involved with such activities. many people crave being involved with such activities. it’s almost like an inborn instinct, to get together with people at “thanksgiving”. but i suspect that maybe it is NOT an instinct and that it is simply a trained behavior.
this raises questions about desire, attachment, longing, separation for me. is it possible to live with detachment in this world? is it possible to live free of emotions of desire to have things that you cannot have? i desire to go to Paris, but as hard as i dream about going and as hard as i “want” to go, i have a karmic imbalance in my spirit-system that prevents me from ever having enough money to go to Paris. sure, i could change that. there are always things that a person can do to obtain the things they want, or so the saying goes, but after a soul has lived on this planet a certain period of time, they start to believe things they shouldn’t. i for one, do not believe that i have the power to overcome the obstacles that prevent me from being able to travel to Paris. so i let this whim of the idea of “Paris” float around in my head, but i chuckle to myself because i know that no matter how hard i wish, the trends of my life experience testify that i’ll never be able to generate the funds needed to a do a thing like “travel to Paris”.
one time back in the early 90s’s i was infatuated with the idea of travelling to, and living in India for 6 months. and i knew many, many other people that were able to do this at that time. this was during the years that my son and i were involved with the Siddha Yoga ashram in Oakland. people would constantly ask he and i, “when are you and your dad/son going to go to India?”, and they said it with expectancy and belief that we “should” go there. we had gallons and gallons of wish power available to us, and we tapped into it. in those days i believed that dreams, turned into wishes could come true. that all things that we need are available to us and that God provides. but we never made it to India. I’ve wanted to move back to and live in Santa Cruz, for 10 years now. Can’t make it happen.
i used to want to be a friendly member of the human race too. go to parties. have a girlfriend. eat dinner with other people more than i eat it alone. but i don’t. and i think i’ve gotten to the point where the desire to have/do those things has faded completely from my consciousness. i lived through last thursday completely on my own. no phone conversations. no house full of people to feel all sweaty around, nor any invitations for such pressured activities. i didn’t even open the front door that day because there was no mail delivery. and i was fine with it.
i did tune in to the other souls on this planet, in this country that spent that day alone and wished for them the strength that i was feeling, of independence, or separation, of not needing or wanting anymore. of just being. every day is the same. every where is the same. high is low, low is high… stasis. peace. solitude. detachment. amen.




